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Men’s perceptions

Women’s perceptions

We pay so much bride price that we expect our wives to work hard in order to pay back.

In a way, we buy the women. “Once you buy somebody, that person should work for you.” An Igbo respondent said

Some women enjoy hard work to please their husbands and in-laws and to show respect even if they are not yet married to you. A Yoruba man explains

Some women do not want to be helped with household work. They view household work as their domain and they do not want men to interfere.

Some women believe that they are married to work for their husbands and they view it as a failure on their part if their husbands want to help.

When we help our wives with household work, some of them gossip about it and this makes us unwilling to continue helping with such tasks, some Yoruba respondent explains

Men take women as slaves. An Hausa lady responds

Men are selfish. They do not want to work.

Men who have more than one wife find it hard to work for all the wives and leave the women to fend for themselves and their children. Hausa and Yoruba ladies explains

When further examining men and women’s tasks it was discovered that very few tasks were exclusively done by women or men. It was agreed that, apart from giving birth, men and women perform all other tasks. Roles specific to men were identified as: – digging graves, fathering a child, digging pit latrines, paying bride prices, marrying women and `disciplining’ women.

Disciplining women

Disciplining women as a role for men generated a lot of diverse view among different ethnic group but about 40% of the man agreed that it is the duty of a man to discipline his wife and this 40 percent is across board all ethnic group especially amongst the Yoruba and Hausa people. Men were pressed hard to explain what they meant by “disciplining.” The men argued that women need to be guided when they make mistakes. They punish them by beating. Apart from disciplining women, the issue of domestic violence and the treatment of women as minors was also raised by some female respondents. Reasons were explored why men batter their wives. The male respondents explained that women provoked men to beat them. One man said that: “Yoruba women have a sharp tongue and since men do not want to answer back, they beat them”.

SHARING OF DOMESTIC ROLES

A comparison was made between a home where there is co-operation and sharing of work between spouses and another where there is no such co-operation. It should be pointed out that in a household where there is no co-operation and sharing of work, there is: famine, poverty, quarrels and fighting, children not attending school, sickness, poor clothing, separation or divorce and stealing. Whereas a home with co-operation is characterised by: abundant food with many granaries in the compound, love, respect, wealth (e.g. more cows), children going to school, good health, good housing, and better clothing.

The respondents pointed out that a home with co-operation is more desirable. However, they recognised that the majority of households in the communities were characterised by some of the elements of lack of co-operation. They knew very few men who helped their wives with household chores and those notable for this act are the Isoko men they always help in domestics especially cooking infact they are known to be good cook. It was pointed out that such men are usually called names and sometimes they cannot mix freely with others for fear of being ridiculed by their colleagues.but other groups especially the Igbos and the Hausas are on the contrary

But men need to take up more responsibilities in the home. Some of the tasks that men could assist with in the home include: collecting water, taking care of themselves, collecting fire-wood, pounding Yam, caring for children, doing more farming – putting in more hours per day, weeding, harvesting, and cooking. In order to reduce the stigma of men helping their wives with domestic chores, women groups Men also complained that women are very quarrelsome. They said that some men want to discuss certain issues with their wives, but the women become hostile and do not want to discuss anything with them.the practice whereby women go to the farm and the men sit back at home among the Igbo Edo and Isoko has since been faced out and most of the men are now taking responsibility of such actions at home.

WOMEN AND LEADERSHIP IN COMMUNITIES

This topic is discussed in the context of leadership in a community. Qualities of a good and a bad leader will be identified and whether or not women have such qualities. But it should be noted that Nigeria as a country is the grasping in the euphoria of bad leadership and the solution to this problem as expressed by some quarter is the need for women to be in the helms of affairs but some have proposed otherwise. They were linked to the discussion on gender

Qualities of a good leader

A good leader should:

Be honest some of Nigeria’s leaders sometimes lie to us about information received from the state or from the central government in Abuja. A good leader should be accountable to the people by informing them about decisions taken during the meetings of the councils; this has been absent and explains the reasons why people like Salisu Buhari, Evans Ewerem and other leaders lied about there qualification, all are men.

Be well informed – because of high levels of illiteracy and lack of access to information, some of the leaders were taking advantage of this to misinform the communities for their personal benefit. A good leader should consult people about their needs and problems

Not use his/her privileged position for personal gains – some infact most of Nigerian leaders were using their privileged positions to harass women into sexual relationships and communities were unhappy about such leaders;

Be development oriented – some leaders did not encourage people to start income generating activities or mobilise them to undertake development programmes in their communities. It should be noted that a good leader is one who educates or sensitizes those he or she is leading so that they can improve their well being and that of their communities. A Leader should plan for their areas and advise the people on all aspects of development. He/she should stimulate people’s initiatives, cooperate with them and co-ordinate development activities.

It should be further pointed out that some leaders were sickly and not able to perform their duties. An issue was raised that some leaders may have diseases like AIDS which makes them too weak to work and yet they do not relinquish their leadership roles. This was raised in a few places but seemed to be a sensitive issue – whether people who are already suffering from AIDS should be elected to leadership positions or not.

Then we should examine whether or not women have the desired leadership qualities. In most cases women possess most of the good leadership qualities. However it should also be noted that a certain number of constraints to women’s participation in leadership:

Constraints to women’s participation in leadership

men do not allow their wives to attend meetings, even when they themselves already hold such positions, as they fear that women are being lured into relationships with other male leaders;

women’s workload causes poor time-keeping and prohibits their effective participation;

lack of respect for women as leaders by both women and men;